It’s My Birthday~A Progress Report

It’s my birthday, and if you’ve read my blog before you know how much I love my birthday.  The truth is I love any occasion where I get presents, but my birthday is the bestest of all because it’s just about me, and I love attention almost as much as I love presents.

My birthday seems like a good day to update you on a few things.  I know you’re wondering how I’m doing on those New Year’s Resolutions, if I’m still coping without my therapist, if the Church has started ex-communication hearings based on my radical thinking, etc, etc…

I’ll start with the New Year’s Resolutions.  I just looked back at what they were, which is not a promising way to start this update.  I can say I haven’t completely abandoned all of them, but haven’t stayed committed to all either.  I did say I was going to train to do the Half Marathon again this year (which is less than 3 weeks away).  I got off to a good start.  I was up to running 4 miles by the end of February and then my knee started bothering me.  It was hurting more than usual and it was giving out while I was running.  I tried ice, I tried a brace, I tried taking a couple of weeks off, I tried running on a treadmill instead of outside, nothing seemed to be working.  I had pretty much given up on doing the race, but things have turned around in the past few weeks.  I can run on the treadmill as long as I don’t talk, look around, wipe my face, or take a drink.  It’s kind of funny actually, but as long as I’m looking straight ahead and completely focused I’m good.  In fact I ran almost 8 miles a couple of weeks ago.  So I’m almost caught up to the training schedule.  Still not sure how the race will go.  I plan on trying to run outside this week so we’ll see.  I wanted to do more yoga but that hasn’t happened.  I’ve been averaging about one class a week.  I still love it and would like to go more often, but most of my workouts have been running with the Flying Pig getting so close.  Hopefully after the race I’ll be able to get to yoga a bit more.  I wanted to write more blog posts in the new year, but that has not happened.  There are a couple of reasons.  First of all I just haven’t had the time.  I could find the time of course, other things have just kept me busy the last few months, so blogging hasn’t been a priority.  Also, I find a lot of the time that I want to write about things that are really deep or subjects that might be controversial or share some insight I’ve had on this “spiritual journey” I’m taking, and I still get nervous about what the reaction will be.  There is still this fear that people don’t want to hear about the serious stuff, or they don’t care, and then I tell myself it’s arrogant to think that anyone really cares one way or the other and if they don’t like it they don’t have to read it and then I start questioning why I do it in the first place.  Obviously, I’m still crazy.  Anyway, sometimes the nerves get the best of me, sometimes they don’t.  Finally, I mentioned that I would like to get my yoga teacher training certificate.  I have made some progress here.  I found a program at Cincinnati State.  I could start in the fall and be finished in a school year.  I would only have classes a couple of afternoons a week and it would all be while my girls are in school.  I do think this program will focus more on the physical aspect of yoga than the spiritual and I feel a little conflicted about that.  I would like to learn more about the entire philosophy, but this is the most convenient for me and my family right now and I think it’s a great place to start.  If I love it as much as I think I will, there are limitless opportunities for continuing education in the future.

I have now been free of my therapist for almost three months and it’s been fine.  She always said that the goal of therapy should be to someday stop needing therapy, that it can go on too long and get to a point where you are just going to talk or using it as a crutch and there really is no measurable benefit.  I think the end came at a good time for me.  I still use the tools and advice she gave me and there are times when I wish I could run something by her just to get an objective opinion, but I haven’t yet felt like I really needed her.  I can also say that my experience in therapy was so positive that I wouldn’t hesitate to do it again if I ever got to a point where I needed it.

Finally, there’s Church.  I do worry what people who I go to church with think about some of the things I’ve said.  I don’t worry enough to wish I didn’t say them, but what I worry about is that I was misunderstood or that my intention wasn’t clear.  I worry that people who are upset by what I’ve written didn’t really read what I said carefully, that they let their emotions about an issue cloud their perception of my post.  That in reality what I’ve said isn’t so radical and if you think about the points I made, you can see that we want the same things, we just might differ in how we believe they will happen. In all honesty I can tell you that I feel better about my place in the Church and about my own spirituality than I ever have and I do know in my head and in my heart that is what matters, but I’m human and I still struggle with that fear.

Overall, it’s been a great birthday and I feel good about where I am right now.  I made a commitment well over a year ago to take care of myself…mind, body, and spirit…and to make that a priority for the rest of my life.  I think I’ve kept that commitment.  I feel better than I ever have…Thirty-Eight is going to be fabulous!!

Until later…

Mommy Fail #1,218

My kids don’t know how to tie their shoes…

There I said it!  That was painful to admit, but sadly true, at least it was true before last night.

Yes, I am one of “those moms” who does everything for their kids because it’s faster and easier and less messy than teaching them to do it themselves.  I pour their drinks and pack their lunches and check their backpacks and hang up their coats…and YES, I tie their shoes.  It’s pathetic really, I know it is, but I have a serious lack of patience when it comes to teaching my kids simple tasks.  In my mind these tasks are so simple that I know trying to teach them will be an exercise in frustration because it just won’t be that simple for them.  There will be tears and cursing and hurt feelings and messes, at least I assume there will be, I don’t really know because we’ve never actually had these lessons.  By the way, I was an actual teacher for a very short time, I sucked!

So, back to shoe tying…Addy is 9, in the 4th grade, and I tie her gym shoes before school every day.  At some point a few years back, someone attempted to teach her and she got the basics, but never the opportunity to practice the skill, because of course I couldn’t stand how long it took and how loosely they were tied, so I just jumped in and did it for her.  Avery is 7 and in 1st grade, Reilly is 6 and in kindergarten and both have expressed a desire to learn, but once again, I hadn’t found anyone willing to do it, and I wasn’t going to take it on myself.  (FYI, I also didn’t teach any of the three to ride a two-wheeler, that right there is pure Hell.  I’m pretty sure I still owe my neighbor something for that.)  A few weeks back I was telling Tom that the girls all needed new gym shoes.  He said that was fine, but they all needed shoes that tied (no velcro) and they weren’t going to wear them until they could tie them without my help.  YIKES!!  That is just not like him to lay down the law like that.  I mean, really, what was he saying?  Teaching our children basic life skills such as shoe tying and drink pouring and coat hanging is part of our parental responsibility?  Slow down mister, I did not sign up for this…

I thought about it and ultimately realized he may be right.  I hear Occupational Therapy is costly, and I doubt insurance covers it in cases like this.  We made a plan…pizza night, then “Learning To Tie Your Shoes Party”, then ice cream, then watch a movie together.  A friend even designed a certificate for their accomplishment.  We were all set.  Unfortunately, the pizza dinner did not go well.  Everyone was crabby and exhausted and I don’t want to do this stuff when we’re all happy, so I wasn’t about to attempt it in this state.  We postponed the big event until last night.  I can honestly say I was dreading this more than the “sex talk”.  We had our pizza.  Tom had bought some sugary treats to bribe reward the girls (and mommy) for their success.  I went upstairs to manage bath time.  While Avery was soaking in the tub, Tom taught Reilly.  Before Avery was out of the tub, Reilly had run upstairs to announce that she had done it.  Then, he taught Avery while Reilly was bathing.  Piece of cake!!  After Addy’s bath, it was her turn.  I thought I should give it a try.  As much as I didn’t want to, Tom had done the other two and besides that, Addy is the oldest, so she should have been easy.  We sat down on the floor and she put on her shoe.  I asked her to show me what she already knew.  She totally tied her shoe, and she did it fairly quickly.  I’m not saying it couldn’t have been tighter, but it was good enough.  That little shit knew all along she could , she just wanted me to do it for her.  I had let this go on for too long because of my laziness and she never fessed up to knowing how because of hers.  Overall, the “Learning How To Tie Your Shoes” party was a success.  I did think it would provide more material for the blog, but I guess I should be grateful that it didn’t.  The girls learned a new skill, we had candy and ice cream, and we all sat on the couch together and watched “Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone”.  It was a fantastic night!

They didn’t wear gym shoes today, but they will for school tomorrow.  We’ll see how they do.  Let’s hope they do it quickly, because I won’t be able to stop myself from taking over if they’re so slow they might miss the bus.  Maybe our next party will be “Learning How To Get Yourself A Drink”.

Until later…